I think I have forgotten how to write. But anyway, maybe I can pick up this writing thing again. I just need someone to talk to and this blog have been serving that purpose. I can't write anything now. My thoughts are currently all over the place and I couldn't put things together to make it make sense. Although, I just want to let self know that this feeling of wanting to disappear is starting to overwhelm me. For now, I think I can say that I'm back.

Gaano katagal bago mo siya nakalimutan?

I feel... empty.

I should be glad. This is a chance to start a new life. I wanted this to happen. I mean, it wasn't working out. There are just some things we cannot agree on and I had to choose myself.

Did I give up too easily? 

Was I right? Everything was perfect except for the fact that I don't know a thing about him outside the relationship. That's how it is when you are shelved. When he worked his ass hard to keep his life compartmentalized. Was it enough reason for me to let go? Was being a part of his other world really a big deal? Shouldn't I have been contented with just us in our own little world we built together? We were happy. I was happy. I think.

It's been three months actually. But I still remember him in every little detail. To the books I read. To the places I visit. To the cup of coffee I now sip alone. Sometimes, I would imagine how things would have been if we were still together. How he would have reacted to Meet Me in St. Gallen. How excited he w…

Of closets and heartaches

I broke up with him. I called off our nearly five-year relationship. This blog has been a witness to how we started. This blog was created the time I met him and most of my entries are about him. I had my Facebook account for my political, irreligious, and not-so-personal rants. This blog was for him. I had this vision when we grow old together, we can look back at my blog and see how things were from my perspective. I guess, we can never do that now.

Anyway, actually, we rarely have problems. The relationship was pretty much smooth-sailing as far as I can remember. Except for one thing. The world where our relationship exists only have the two of us. I was never introduced to his friends nor his family. We've been together for five years and I don't know exactly where he lives nor where he works. I don't know the company name he works for. I've only seen pictures of his friends and family. You see, he's closeted. I dated a closeted 37-year old guy. He has several…

Picking things up: Life, drive, and passion

Hey, I'm HIV-negative as of this month. I think it's news worth sharing. 

Anyway, I've been inactive with a group I joined around three years ago. This group's advocacy is on HIV, AIDS, hand its stigma. I used to volunteer but unfortunately my nature of work has been so demanding of my time that I was missing in action for like a year. At least by taking a test, I can still show my support to this advocacy. 
Likewise, I've been very inactive with this blog. I miss the guys I followed here who became online friends. I hope I get to meet some of you. And I hope I can pick up this blog again regularly. 
I miss you. I miss myself. I miss living life.

Hey, I'm still alive

... but barely breathing.

Picking up

Decided to finally pick up blogging again. I need an outlet outside Facebook. I missed the guys I usually look forward to interacting here in the blogosphere. Anyhooo. I hope to see more of you and this blog in the future.

Stepping Up

I recently got promoted to a Software Engineering Team Lead. It's big news for me. Considering that I'm only 23 years old, this is an event worth sharing and celebrating. Finally, efforts are paid off and results are showing!

I have a long list of people I would like to thank but I would probably want to shorten the list to the following:
My managers and mentors - I have learned a lot from you. You've been a big part of my professional growth and your guidance is highly valued. I learned from you guys how to be compassionate to people and be understanding that people are not just assets but also team mates you can rely on. You guys taught me that leading is different from bossing people around. Leading is actually serving your team mates and bringing your team towards a goal. Aside from that, I became very critical with numbers and processes. I learned how to analyze these numbers and make decisions based on these figures. I find it actually fun to interpret these figures …