Sunday, July 7, 2013

I hope

I hope I'll be safe. I just had unprotected oral sex with someone I just met. I don't know myself anymore.


These past few days have been very stressful to our relationship to the point that I don't even know where to start. I guess you don't have to know the whole story. All you need to know is that we're having problems. Madalas siya magtampo. Di ko makausap ng maayos. And for reasons I don't know. To think that we just had our second monthsary last week (two months only and we're already having problems), nagtampo siya bigla during the monthsary itself. I can't talk to him and he's been ignoring my texts. 

Okay, so here's what happened. A guy suddenly texted me if we could meet. I agreed as I looked forward to having a good conversation (being deprived of replies from my hubby). It was Friday night, a night after our monthsary, when we met. He had his car with him and we decided to have milk tea somewhere in Taguig. So we had our conversation while he was driving. He was a graduate from a prestigious school and a marketing manager in a company near my workplace. He believes partly in what I believe in. He's cute. His voice is sultry yet innocent. He's smart. So when we arrived at Taguig, there isn't a parking space near the tea shop so we decided to just roam around Manila in his car and continued with our conversations. I got to know him in the short while until its time for him to drop me off at the apartment. Before he dropped me off, I guess it's all because of the tension of the moment, we kissed. We decided to roam a bit along the subdivision and we were kissing while he was driving (very unsafe). I was left amused and flattered that a guy like him would actually be interested. And so the first time I had an affair started. It ended after a week. He insisted on having sex with me and he's not even answering if he was tested for HIV. He called me an immature, a kid, for not being man enough to stand up to the opportunity to have sex with him. So, I declined and cut the lines of communication.



The second instance is a day after I ended our communication with the "manager". I decided to meet this guy who looks a lot like Joshua Dionisio. He's within my age group and he's really kind. We discussed sex once and we both believed that sex should not be important when meeting other guys for friends. I was really glad. He invited me to stay over at his house and spend the night there. I decided, what the heck, he seems nice. So, I went to his neighborhood and we had dinner with some of his friends at this karinderya. After dinner, we went to his place to watch some movies. His friends immediately left when we arrived so we were left alone. Our skins touching. Someone called, his bestfriend, telling him that he will spend the night there as well. His bestfriend arrived and we continued watching some documentaries in his laptop. The night went on and after having midnight snack we went to sleep. He suddenly embraced me. I was still awake as I was having a hard time falling asleep and there he was his lips suddenly closing in to my neck. His breathing was heavy indicating he's deep in his sleep. I found myself hugging him back. He's too adorable not to ignore. I thought that the hug would be innocent but suddenly his hand was travelling south. I still think he's really asleep so I let him. I fell asleep finally and morning came. I woke up hugging him. Every time I remove my hand off his body, his hand would protest against. I fell asleep again and suddenly I can feel his hand putting my hand inside his shorts. He's still sleeping soundly. That's when it happened. I jacked him off. I thought it was what he wanted me to do. After a few minutes, I can feel him putting himself in a position in which I'd be having a hard time jacking him off. Moments passed by and he said if I could suck him off and I obliged. I told him never to release it inside me. He came, I jerked off, and I found myself staring to space. 

He said he's HIV negative. I just hope I won't get sick. I may be paranoid. But please, let me be safe. The mistakes I've done brought me back to the right track, gave me back my previous perspective, and made me want to fix things with my hubby. I know that oral sex is a low risk activity but there's still the presence of risk. I hope I'm safe. I still have a lot of plans and I still want to pleasure my hubby when the time comes.

:(

11 comments:

  1. see i told ya. no matter how much you love that guy from afar, someone somewhere will always be accessible to make up for the things he won't b able to fulfill considering your distance...

    ...and i'm sure he also has the same urges as you do and that troubles a lot of couples regarding trust

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    1. The problem is hindi pa siya nakakaalis when this happened. Although slightly LDR na kami since he‘s in Quezon prov., we still make it to a point to meet during the weekends.

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    2. Dear, I think you're only "accessible" if you allow yourself to be accessible. Everything else after is just guilt.

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  2. Medyo magulo yung kwento... yung si Manager and this guy na ni bj mo are the same?

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    1. Btw, sorry kung di masyado malinaw. I'll review my post before I publish it from now on. ;)

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    2. Sorry for being harsh.. :P

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    3. Don‘t worry. I appreciate the constructive criticism. ;)

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  3. Having oral sex, unprotected or not, should not be a cause for alarm as far as HIV is concerned. Yes, it's transmited via bodily fluid i.e. semen, however, the acids inside our tummy (should you choose to swallow) or spit it right away will prevent the virus from spreading the infection. This I learned when I attended an HIV seminar last year.


    it's a different matter though for STDs... so be careful.

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    1. Thanks, Jeki! I feel a lot better now though I'm still yet to be tested. Hopefully this February. 😊

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