Sunday, September 1, 2013

And it crept in - the prequel

"Alam mo ba kung saan ang Pasong Tamo?" a guy suddenly appeared beside me and asked.

I was walking on my way home after a heavy leg session at the gym. My pace was fast as I wanted to catch the bus back to Laguna. I barely noticed the people at the street, the festive scene usually on a Friday night, people eating street foods, singing at a nearby bar, and kids playing on the streets. I did not notice the guy who tried to catch up with me and asked for directions.

"Ah, you just have to take a..." I told him the directions. He kept walking beside me.

"Bago lang kasi ako rito. Almost a month. Kaya di ko pa alam paikot-ikot rito." he said. I can't believed that the guy was starting a conversation. I was not interested in what he was saying. I watched his face. His face was rather cute. His looks are pretty much above average. He's about the same height as I. He had this innocent look etched across his face. It made me feel comfortable but still uninterested. His body type is pretty much average, not thin but not fat.

We kept walking. We passed by a group of gays eating some barbecues. 

"Nagbubuhat ka ba?" he asked.

"Yes. Dun sa may.... Mas malinis kasi kaysa sa duon sa malapit samin."

"Ah ganun ba. Balak ko rin kasi sana magbuhat." he said.

"Ah, tuwing gabi naman ako nagbubuhat ngayon. Kung interested ka, diretsuhin mo lang itong street na ito pabalik at makikita mo na yung gym."

"Magkano per hour?"

"Hmmmm, ang isang session 50php lang pero kapag one month 600php at kapag three months naman 1,200php."

"Ah, ganun ba. Mura lang pala. Malinis naman?" he asked.

"Oo naman. Tuwing gabi nga lang medyo marami nagbubuhat kaya kung gusto mo medyo maluwag, sa umaga ka magbuhat." I answered. I was really getting scared at this point. Why was this guy still walking beside me? Holdaper ba ito?

"Exchange numbers?" he asked suddenly.

"Ha? Um." Probably a booty call then.

"Wala kasi ako masyado kakilala rito."

"Sige. Eto number ko, 09XX-XXX-XXXX." I was thinking of not giving my real number but I decided otherwise.

"Sige miscall ko na," he said. Good thing I gave him my real number.

We arrived at the main road. 

"Dito na tayo. Magjeep ka lang tapos makakarating ka na ng Pasong Tamo." I told him.

"Okay lang ba makipagkwentuhan muna?"

We exchanged introductions.

I really found some loneliness on his face. I gave in. We talked for a while until a question came up that made me curious of his sexuality.

"May girlfriend ka ba?" he asked me.

"Um, may partner ako." I answered slightly truthfully.

"Paanong partner?" he asked further. My annoyance at this guy grew.

"Basta, mahabang kwento."

"Pero kayo naman?"

"Oo. May commitment." 

He suddenly answered a call on his phone. I was seriously thinking of leaving him but I thought that he might get angry and get back on me when our paths cross again. We did meet within the neighborhood. The phone call ended.

"Tutal na-open na rin lang. Pwede maging tayo?" he dropped.

My jaw dropped.

"Ano?"

"A hinde naman. I mean..." he was trying to save himself from embarrassment.

"Ang bilis mo naman. Sobra ha. Tska committed ako."

He fell silent.

"I need to go. Medyo nilalamig na ako. Di kasi ako nakapagdala ng extrang shirt pamalit."

"Ah, okay. Text me."

I left.

I took a shower after I arrived at the apartment. I may not be able to catch the bus at that time so I decided to go to Laguna the next day instead. I received a text message from him right after my shower. A series of text messages were exchanged until...

"Pwede ba ako makitulog sa inyo?" a message from him read. I stopped for a moment. Medyo makapal ang mukha. 

"Ha?"

"Malolock na kasi ako sa labas ng bedspace. Lalampas na ako ng curfew."

I thought deeply. I have 8 other housemates. The house is quite large and we can still move around despite of our number. What would my housemates say about this? Plus, do I leave this guy on the streets? He could just rent a motel room.

I went downstairs.

"Hey, I have a friend coming over later. Na-lock daw siya sa bedspace nila." 

Permission granted and I found the guy in my room. If he ever tried to steal our things, he's definitely outnumbered plus the locks at the apartment are quite good. But he doesn't seem interested in our things. He was quite shy plus he doesn't have any pockets in which he could hide things from us in case he'll still some of ours.

"Type mo ba ako?"

I was caught by surprise. I told him his looks are above average but he's not my type. 

He told me a little bit of his background. He's from Cebu. He's hired as a seaman and he's in Manila for some training. He was previously hired as someone in promotions at Ayala mall in Cebu. I asked if he could speak Cebuano since I had Cebuano blood but cannot understand the local dialect. 

Time to turn in. My back facing him and I was about to go to sleep.

"Yapusin mo ako."

I hesitated. Why is it so hard for me to say no at this kind of situation? I find it easy to say no at other situations after weighing the options and its consequences but at this kind of situation I always find myself utterly helpless. Anyway, I think I'm safe. He's the one threading at our house.

I hugged him.

"Okay lang," he said.

"Ha?" 

"Okay lang na hawakan mo." I got mad. Who does he think he is? I was not even interested in him.

"Hawakan mo na. Sige na." he insisted.

I got scared. 

"Dali na. Hawakan mo na." he pushed my hand inside his shorts. I could feel his cock throbbing.

"Himasin mo," he directed. Should I shout? What would my housemates think?

He kissed me. Everything went like a blur. 

"Ganyan lang ba katigas yung sayo?" he asked while holding my dick.

"E di naman kita type e tska ayoko naman sayo." I asked with a bit of hate.

"Isubo mo."

"Ayoko."

"I-lick mo lang."

I kissed the shaft of his cock instead. Just to silence him. "Ayoko nga," I told him.

He suddenly went on top of me.

"May condom ka?"

"Wala." My anger increasing. I was really thinking of shouting. But I was thinking of what my housemates might think as well. They thought I was straight.

He checked for something in his purse. I could see precome seeping from the tip of his dick.

"Di ko na lang ipapasok." 

He tried to dryhump between my legs then suddenly I felt the tip of his cock on the entrance of my buttcrack. I pushed him with my feet. He continued dryhumping between my legs instead and then he pushed the shaft of his cock instead against my butt. He never did inserted his penis.

He masturbated and he came. His seeds spilling all over my body.

My face was full of guilt and hatred. He looked at me.

"Galit ka ba?" he asked in his most innocent tone as I took my clothes.



I was disappointed with myself. How come I was not able to fight back? I love my partner but why do I find myself in this kind of situation? And I'm scared. I don't even know if this is a HIV risk. There was no full penetration and I only felt the tip of his cock on the entrance of my butt crack. But what about the pre-come? Could this situation put me at risk?

And most importantly, I hate myself for not having the courage to fight back. What could have happened? I love my partner. I want my virginity to be taken by him. Him only. He has waited long and he has agreed to wait until I'm ready. I love him. He's the perfect guy for me not this guy who.... UGH!

1 message received.

"Pwede ba sumama sayo sa Laguna? Sarili kong gastos don't worry." the guy asked.

Number deleted.

33 comments:

  1. haaay. why do we always place ourselves in such compromising situations? the fact that you allowed him to enter your personal space by walking next to you, talking to you and getting your number, as a complete stranger he assumed this confidence that he can push his luck further and he did.

    maybe, just maybe you REALLY wanted something. liars and con artists are very much successful in their craft because they can easily tell what the victim wants and then provide it.

    which also brings me to another point, how can you be so sure that your partner is able to resist and contain himself while waiting for you to be ready?


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    1. I don't know. I have faith in him and faith does not need proof.

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    2. Didn't he also had faith in you?

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    3. Yes. And I'm working on it. Baby steps. I can't help but note the tense you used. :(

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    4. LOL sorry naman. Di ko na alam grammar rules? Anyway, I think you got what I was trying to say

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  2. Honestly, I am not amused, but rather this makes me sad. And I don't think you are trying to get some sympathy, right? I won't judge you, since I don't even have the right to do so. However, you didn't point this out, but I guess this is already obvious: you cheated. And nothing can justify that. Fortunately, you are aware of your wrongdoing, which makes you like everyone else, a person who naturally commits mistakes.

    You already admitted to yourself your weakness. So what to do now? Yes, change for the better. That's easier said than done though. But it doesn't mean it's impossible, yeah?

    Also, it seems you already did this more than twice. Which makes me wonder... What if the guy is hot and your type? Will you submit yourself fully? Will you engage in a no-holds-barred sex?

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    1. Anyways, I'm glad you already deleted his number. Sana wala ng sequel to. :)

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    2. Honestly, we share the same sentiments. Kahit ako nagugulat, kung posible man, sa mga nakikita ko ngayon sa sarili ko.

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  3. grabe ka talaga. pang ilang beses mo na yan. sa lahat ng nakikilala mo pinamimigay mo number mo sa lahat ng kumakausap sayo kesa sa kalye sa gym sa bus sa jeep o kung saan saan pa lahat sila ine-entertain mo. kaya ang hirap ding magtiwala sayo. hindi ko alam kung dahil newborn gay ka na parang new born vampires sa twilight na hindi mapigilan ang urge or dahil gusto mo ng something to prove to yourself and to others that you can do this that you can have hook ups wherever you want dahil may ugly duckling syndrome ka. alam mo sa sarili mong hindi isang beses lang yan nangyari tapos sasabihin mo you see forever sa eyes ng boyfriend mo? I doubt. and I'm sure this will continue until I dunno when.

    tsk!


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    Replies
    1. nakakaawa nga ang boyfriend mo

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    2. I wonder when this happened?

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    3. Salamat at napangiti mo ako sa comparison mo sa newborn vampire. ;)

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  4. Hmmm... ang tense ng comments LOL

    Teka, hindi naman sa nagmamalinis ako at sinesermunan kita kasi alam ko minsan ko na rin yang ginawa.

    Na-appreciate ko naman na shinare mo ito at naging vulnerable ka at lahat. Pero bukod sa pagiging isang online "confession" sana eh meron din naman nakapulutang aral.

    Baka naman hindi ka pa handang mag commit?

    Baka marami ka pang gustong maenjoy at masubukan? Pero magagawa mo lang nang malaya at walang panghuhusga kung wala kang BF.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Napapaisip ako. May ideal is a committed relationship but what I’m doing is far from what I want to.

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    2. Ganito lang yan. Magkatikiman na kayu. I mean you have to consummate the relationship one way or another. Pwede ba naman yung walang physical contact? Baka naman sobrang Maria Clara na ang peg mo wala ka man lang idea what his dick looks like?

      Trust me. Before you commit to that dick, it has to be something you can enjoy and stick to for a long time.

      Malay mo, hindi naman siya magaling? LOL At least, may point of comparison ka na. Di kayu sexually satisfied. Time to break up with the guy and by all means explore and find better sex.

      Saka mo na ulit isiping mag commit. Okay?

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    3. Haha. I kno what his dick looks like and I’ve touched it and sucked it before. He just wanted us to be both tested before doing it.

      Sex really is a factor when it comes to a relationship.

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    4. Para namang ang babaw pakinggan. Na ite-test mo muna kung compatible kayo sa kama before ka magseryoso. *hehe* Pero agree ako kay Seth. Nawili ako sa comment nya, full of wisdom. Sa totoo lang, malaking factor ang sex sa isang homosexual relationship para magtagal ito. Otherwise, kung lousy o olats, mahirap i-maintain ang intimacy.

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    5. sus, parang nabasa ko nga sa isang post mo na dahil hindi kayu ganun kadalas mag sex kaya binreak mo na? LOL

      before feelings muna ako before sex, pero later i changed my mind. kailangan alam ko muna kung masarap ka bago kita mahalin nang buo LOL

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    6. Sorry but I find this conversation very very very farcical

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    7. hormones, thrill and excitement. bad combination. hahahaha

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  5. hay hay hay day good luck sa peace of mind mo. haha

    uhmmm... i guess nasabi na ni seth ang gusto kong sabihin. hehe

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    Replies
    1. Thanks. Tumatakbo pa rin ng walang tigil ang utak ko tungkol dito.

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    2. Ganito lang yan. Magkatikiman na kayu. I mean you have to consummate the relationship one way or another. Pwede ba naman yung walang physical contact? Baka naman sobrang Maria Clara na ang peg mo wala ka man lang idea what his dick looks like?

      Trust me. Before you commit to that dick, it has to be something you can enjoy and stick to for a long time.

      Malay mo, hindi naman siya magaling? LOL At least, may point of comparison ka na. Di kayu sexually satisfied. Time to break up with the guy and by all means explore and find better sex.

      Saka mo na ulit isiping mag commit. Okay?

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  6. you hate him... pero you did not say no... you did not ignore him and his requests... and you slept with him.

    i think kailangan mo na padeflower. feeling ko (feeling ko lang naman) you are sexually repressed kaya di ka nakatanggi. :P

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    Replies
    1. This has been running through my mind as well.

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    2. Well, sana makapag-decide ka na. :)

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    3. oo nga ibigay na ang bulaklak na yan sa jowa! kaso pano yun may iba pa palang nakatikim sayo?! malalaman niyang bukas na ang hymen!!! lol

      kidding aside, kailangan niyong mag-usap ng jowa mo.

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  7. Adik ka... nagulat ako dito ahh.. Iniisip ko na pumayag ka na rin noon kasi pinatuloy mo siya. Madali palang makitulog sa inyo.. :))

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    Replies
    1. Kpag pinagpaaalam at may free na kama. haha

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