Tuesday, December 31, 2013

14 Goals for 2014

  1. Get clearer skin. Because of stress, and possibly an allergy yet to be known, pimples recently flared up. As in I hate looking at the mirror lately because I get depressed. I have consulted my dermatologist and was given the medication I need to achieve the skin I want. I hope this 2014, I will be blessed with clear skin so I can get the confidence I need to socialize.
  2. Set a regular reading period each day or week. I have to keep up with my reading. I love reading, don't get me wrong, but due to my schedule, I've been behind my reading. Some of the books I have bought were left untouched for a long period of time. I hope I can get at least an hour of reading per day. I miss reading.
  3. To be blessed more so that I can bless more. One of the things I have learned from my mom is to always bless or share whenever I can. I have made it a habit to at least buy a little bit more of bread so that I could share some to street cleaner during the mornings. My mom, on the other hand, gives out a bit of food to the two street children asking for some recyclables every weekend. This 2014, I hope I will be blessed more financially as I have some target people I want to bless as well. I want to be able to financially help my relative who has done so much for me. I
  4. Prepare for master school. I love learning. One can learn from experience and one can also learn from formal teaching. I have decided long before that I'll study masters (a different field; possibly socio, pysch, or political) but this 2013, I never had the courage to make the first move. I never had the courage to submit the requirements because I feared I might not be able to pass the qualifications set by the universities I have in mind. This coming 2014, I hope I'll be brave enough to enter. I may not qualify but at least I have battled. I also hope that I'll get the moral support of my family as they seem to disapprove this idea.
  5. Visit a lot of places in the Philippines. Partner has inspired me to travel and with the help of Kulapitot's blog I am motivated to visit more destinations inside the Philippines. Philippines has a lot to offer and I don't want to miss any of it.
  6. Travel overseas. I have always dreamed of visiting countries outside the Philippines. I pray that God will give me the opportunity and provision to be able to do so.
  7. Enter a literary competition. Partner entered Palanca last 2013. He urged me to enter as well and I considered and entertained the thought. I was supposed to enter the poetry category and I had this awesome idea I had in mind I never had the time to finish the piece. I hope I will be able to submit a piece as I want to be recognized in the field of literature. I may not be that great of a writer yet, but in time and with practice, I will be.
  8. Join a club. I miss being a part of an organization. This 2013, I looked for organizations I can enter based on interests. One of them was LoveYourself, but I haven't received a confirmation about the application I've sent through their site. As for PinoyBloggersOutreach, I was about to donate the collection of children's books I have at home but for some reasons I cannot remember, I failed to do so. In the end, I still haven't entered any clubs or organizations. I hope 2014 will be different.
  9. Get bigger. Yes, I want to get bigger. I want to have bigger muscles. Hehehe. I believe I'm a hard gainer but that will not stop me from achieving the body I want. 
  10. Be healthy. Getting bigger is different from being healthy. I fell sick a few times over 2013. I'm not the sickly type of guy so that took me by surprise. This 2014, I vow to eat healthier foods and take multivitamins to keep me strong, growing, and glowing.
  11. A more blooming relationship with partner. 2013 is the year I entered a relationship officially. It's my first homosexual relationship so I still had to learn some of the ropes. I believe I have lacked in the few areas in my relationship and I will work on filling that void this coming 2014. Good thing partner is understanding. I'll do my best to make partner feel more loved and to be more deserving of the love he gives.
  12. Mend my broken relationship with my father. It's been ten years since we've talked. It's time we set aside our differences, forget the shadows of the past, and focus on the present.
  13. Learn a musical instrument. I am tone deaf. I believe learning a musical instrument might fix that. 
  14. To establish a more meaningful and faithful relationship with the heavenly Father. You all know how lost I am in the area of faith. I have always relied on my understanding, on scientific explanations, and of logical reasoning but I have realized that there are so many things incomprehensible and the only explanation behind it is the existence of a God so unfathomable. This 2014, I pray that my relationship with the Heavenly Father will be more established and that I will not struggle away from his arms once again. 




Monday, December 30, 2013

Relationship setups pt. 1

There are two types of relationships (practiced by some homosexuals) I cannot comprehend. 

1.     Rich Dad, Poor Kid - This type is the relationship in which money is largely involved. There's this older gay guy (most likely not visually appealing but not always) who will offer this poor / middle-class younger kid (most likely attractive but not always) money in exchange of agreeing in entering a relationship with him. It may not be a blatant offer and the offer may take form as a courtship. The poor kid may accept willingly or unwillingly the offer, enter into the relationship, and get the monetary benefits he was promised of. 

I usually see this kind of relationship at malls and exclusive restaurants where this older guy wears a lot of flashy items, shows off a latest gadget or two, and has a beefy wallet loaded with cash. His companion, usually a good looking guy, sits quietly eating. They talk rarely, neither one smiles, and both may be busy fiddling with their phone. Recently, I saw one while eating dinner with partner and gestured partner towards the couple.

"Alam na," he said smiling.

"Alam na alin?"

"Na may pera."

"Bakit? Eto naman, napaka-negative. Baka naman mahal lang talaga."

Partner laughed. He may have laughed at my usual naivety at things.

"Sa tingin mo ba love yung nakikita mo?" 

I looked at the couple. The older gay guy seemed busy trying to entertain himself with his high-end mobile phone while the younger kid ate in silence. After finishing their meal, the bill came and was given to the younger kid. The kid gestured the bill towards the oldie and the oldie took his fat wallet and left a thousand peso bill. They stood, still not a word spoken, and I got a good look at the older guy. Aesthetically speaking, one would wonder what the kid saw in the oldie.

Partner's question was left floating in the air.

"Kunwari mag-tito pero di naman magkamukha. Ang pinagtataka ko bakit kailangan pa nila i-display yan in public," partner said.

"Baka naman proud sila. Baka naman walang money involved."

Partner laughed again and I bit my tongue. Am I that naive? Why am I always assuming the best out of people?

Whether or not there is money involved between that particular couple, I cannot deny the fact that such relationship do exist. A relationship in which money plays a vital role that sustains the life of the relationship. Without its source, the relationship is doomed to fail.

Why do some gay guys buy the illusion of love? What do they get out of it? Love may be considered a drug, one so addictive and so destructive. One that can be brought. They'll get a few moments of blissful love, an illusion kept alive by monetary value. Once the value is lost, so is the illusion and the older gay guy will be usurped to a downward spiral towards loneliness and reality.

Why do some provide the love that nobody deserves? Are the shouts of his needs stronger than the whisper of his conscience? Love may be a form of entertainment, one fictionalized and staged. One that may not be played out very well. The older gay guy is the producer and the younger is the actor under contract. As long as the salary is provided, the actor plays the part he is asked to act out. If the salary is not present repeatedly, the actor may look for another producer and the endless spiral of acting resumes. He is forever devoid of reality unless an opportunity for another form of source of income presents itself.

The only answer I could think of can be derived from the field of economics: the concept of the marriage market model. In its premise, a partnership is established given that consumption and labor supply is finalized and reached. Since this concept is satisfied in this type of relationship, it can be said that a working partnership is formed. Who are we to judge? Who am I to ask? The setup is working for them and they don't deserve to be questioned or rudely stared at.

We walked around the mall and saw the couple once again. A distance can be seen between them.

Love can either be a need or a want therefore it may take a form of commodity and all of us should be willing to pay its price in one mean or another regardless of intentions.


How about you? Have you been in this type or relationship or do you know someone who buys or provides the illusion of love? I'm looking forward to sharing your thoughts.

On a side note: I should learn how to write concisely. I may lose my audience halfway through reading the post.

Thursday, December 26, 2013

In this world that never stops talking

Disclaimer: Please read with an open mind. I don't mean anything in this post to be offensive and please bear in mind that this post is written with most innocent intentions.


Earlier today, I went to SM to look for a Christmas gift for partner. It's better late than never as the saying goes. The mall was filled with people and the surrounding sounds created a cacophony still full of Christmas cheer. A salesman trying to sell a videoke product can be heard singing at the top of his lungs, the laughter from a group of high school students euphorically filled the air, and the crying of kids asking for their mommy and daddy the toys they want danced along the toy-filled stalls. The mall was filled of the holiday spirit and the jolly good ol' me was infected by it. I didn't feel alone as I swam through the sea of people looking for the perfect gift. I really had a hard time looking for one. Given that my partner's a lot older than me, earning better than me, I had no idea what to give him. I don't want something that's easily spotted in a mall so I settled for the least possible section he might pass through: bags. So, I bought him a bag perfectly fitted for his iPad as he usually carries it around by hand only.

Happy with my purchase, I went to the gift wrapping section to have my gift wrapped (so unromantic of me) and I decided to join in the noise. I called my partner to check up on him and happily chatted with him over the phone. I realized I was a bit loud but no one minded as everyone was busy themselves talking. After having my gift wrapped, I went to the jeepney terminal bound to city proper and happily seated. I took notice of the last three young people, possibly in early years of college, who got on the jeepney as the jeepney went its way.

Holidays entail traffic and the province is no exception. While stuck, two of the three people, one was sitting beside me while the other one was across her, started gesturing towards each other using their hands. Sign language. I watched and I stared at them. I know it was rude of me but I can't help myself so I stared at them. They were smiling and having fun and yet the jeepney was filled with silence. No one was talking. No one was laughing. But despite of it, two people were conversing to their heart's content. It was somehow peaceful knowing that words were not necessary for them to be able to express their deepest.

Sitting beside the person across me was a young effeminate gay guy and my attention shifted towards him as I watched him put on his lipstick. To my surprise, he joined in the conversation and started gesturing with his hands as well. The other two smiled genuinely, their eyes full of glee as they watched the hands of their friend. Silence still filled the air.

I didn't know what I felt but there was something with that gay guy that pulled of my heart's strings more. I realized that maybe because he must have gone through tough times. I, as an effeminate gay guy as well, had to endure what life throws at people like me and I can imagine what he has gone through. On top of that, he's mute. I know it may sound judging but let's face the brutal fact that life is more difficult for them. There's a few opportunities that I could only think of available to people like them and if gays had problems looking for a welcoming environment, what more for the mute gay guy?

"Bayad po," the silence broken by the girl who had her fare passed from the back of the jeep. The mute gay guy took the money and stretched his hand out. 

The jeepney driver was unaware of his hand so he said in garble as loudly as he could, "Ngayad ngaw po."

The other two gestured hands and I think one of them took notice of me watching. They laughed. The gay guy laughed as well. They reached their destination and the one nearer to the driver signaled that they needed to get off. 

The jeepney was still filled with silence, my consciousness, on the other hand, left the jeepney and went with the three young people. My heart was with them and I came to a realization that what I felt was not pity but rather admiration. Admiration because these three people braved the world full of prejudice and judgement and yet they still can laugh not only with their smiles but with their eyes as well. I admired them for being resilient, no matter what life threw at them, they were still able to lead happy lives. They had every reason to tell God, "Why me?" and yet they seem grateful for what they have.

I sat there in further silence, the noise that I left at the mall seemed so distant in time and in place. I further contemplated what I have witnessed and realized that they are the blessed ones. The mute and the deaf are blessed in a way. They may not be able to hear but their sense of touch has heightened. They can only hear silence which made their eyes more open. They had peace behind all the noise we make. They have more time to reflect genuinely. They may not be able to speak but in silence they can communicate. They may not be able to express themselves verbally but they express themselves through action. Through touch. They became more sensitive and more receptive, maybe even selfless, and it made me want to get off the jeep and look for the three young people who made a mark in my life this holiday season. I want to get to know them better. Especially that gay guy. Bless him. What does he feel being part of a minority of a minority?

I got off the jeep but try as I might, I have to accept the fact that I may not be able to find them. My feet dragged me towards home, to the comfort of my room, my own little world. A little bit of noise downstairs can be heard, partly because of my family, mostly from the television. I closed the doors and once again I was filled with silence.

Sometimes, words are overrated and silence is under appreciated

in this world that never stops talking.


Credits to Susan Cain and her book title, The Power of Introverts in World that Can't Stop Talking (2013), for giving me the idea to perfectly end this blog post .

Tuesday, December 24, 2013

A quick greeting

A quick greeting to the readers of this blog as well to those I follow. May God bless us all and let us remember how He came to be in this world.

Friday, December 20, 2013

All I Want For Christmas 2013

Even though I'm not sure if I actually have a sexlife (PLEASE, GIVE ME! I DON'T THINK I HAVE!) and I don't believe in curses, I opted to entertain this chain post(?) circulating around the blog-o-sphere. The post is mainly about what you want for Christmas this year and if not posted when tagged, your sexlife will be cursed for 7 years. Scary right? Anyway, I'm tagged by Sepsep so I guess I have to share with you the 6 things I would like to have this holiday. Before that, let me lay down the rules for this chain post.

  1. Make a post entitled, "All I Want For Christmas 2013," and please use the photo above.
  2. List 6 things that you want to receive as a gift.
  3. Tag 3 friends who will make the same post (no tag backs).
  4. Send me the link so I could check it too (optional).
So, now that the rules have been laid, let the games begin. 

6. Jeans


I always tell myself every payday that I'm going to buy myself a good pair of jeans or shorts since I only have two good pair of jeans and two shorts left but I always forget to set aside money for it. I also hate shopping for jeans so getting this as a gift would save me the hassle of looking for one.

5. Bed

I need a new bed for the apartment I live in Manila and this is the particular design I like the most. It's space saving and it has a bed-side table attached to it. I like the idea that I can stash away my books somewhere nearby my bed so that my books won't litter that much in my room. 

4. Bag

All of my bags are body bags and my small backpack recently passed away. :(

3. Shelves


Shelves for my growing collection of books. Please. I mean, how could I continue buying books if I don't have a good shelf to place those in? Unfortunately, in my room, most of my cabinets and shelves are attached to the ceiling or wall so I have no idea how to place additional shelves. Nonetheless, I need it so a workaround must be thought of.

Lots and lots of it. I'm planning to give away some of the books I have to the local library, most children books I don't read, since 10-yr,old sister is not fond of reading. Giving away these books will free some space for new ones and I'm pretty much welcoming of books needing a new home. I'm recently interested in the fields of psychology, genetics sociology, and economics and the fiction novels I would like to read are from David Levithan, John Green and other science fiction and thriller mystery.

1. Ability to waterbend

Well, waterbending is AWESOME right? For those who are not familiar of Avatar: The Legend of Aang and Avatar: The Legend of Korra, you better watch it! The fight scenes are AWESOME and INCREDIBLE! Ugh. I'm really a nerd when it comes to the avatar universe. Anyway, just to give you an idea, waterbending is the ability to bend or move water using different stances using your hands and feet though this art is more focused on your hands. I've looked for a video with the other bending arts so that you could see the other arts as well.

So, there you have it, my wishlist for 2013. In case anyone plans to make at least one item come true, you can reach me at my e-mail hahahah! I'm looking forward to reading yours by the way:

c-e-i-b-o-h of -whispers-

* * * * *

While looking for books, partner and I discussed what we wanted for Christmas.

"Kahit anong libro sakin pero ok na itong Will Grayson, Will Grayson," I said while flickering my eyes. "Ako na magbayad nyang book na bibilhin mo. Advance Christmas gift ko na sayo." 

"Aba, hindi. Ako na magbabayad nito. Mahirap nga pala ako i-please sa regalo kaya galingan mo," he said.

"Alam ko na ireregalo ko sayo," I said smiling widely.

"Ano?" he asked.

I whispered into his ears seductively, "Ang virginity ko."

He laughed so hard. "Ang gusto ko naman yung nahahawakan."

"Bakit nahahawakan naman yun ah?" I told him while grinning mischievously.

Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Physical preference

I recently realized that I find guys with eyeglasses most attractive physically. Whenever I walk to buy food and spot a guy with glasses passing by, my underwear drops as my privates are begging for, um, a playmate. Hahaha. I don't know why. If that guy's body is toned as well, um, let's just say it's a good thing I wear tight belts or else.

Anyway, is it normal to get attracted towards other guys despite being committed? I feel guilty but partner said its perfectly normal. Sometimes, I even point out the guys I'm sure he'll be attracted to when we're together.

"Siguro napatingin ka sa lalaking yun. Selos ako," I said playfully.

"Alin? Nasaan? Kanino?"

"Ah so hinanap mo pa? I hate you. Wala kang mani for a month," I replied teasingly.

"Ikaw nga dyan lagi nakakakita e. Kaw ha, mas mabilis pa mata mo para sa mga lalaking mattype-an ko."

I laughed. I can't help it. Maybe the reason I always see guys of his type quickly because I know for a fact that I'm not that physically attractive for him. He likes chinito petite guys but I'm moreno and taller than him. I tend to see guys of his type because I measure myself up to them. Comparison problems I guess that stemmed from how I was always compared from siblings and relatives.

How about you? Did you find yourself in a relationship with a guy you were not physically attracted to? Have you found yourself looking at other guys while on a date with your partner?

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Saturday, December 7, 2013

The most surprising lines I have ever heard so far

Okay, so earlier, I had a date with my sister to celebrate her birthday. We watched Frozen (let it go, let it go, the cold never bothered me lalalallaa, learned so much from this film) and ate at this restaurant I love to go. I invited partner to tag along during the dinner as we planned beforehand to visit elbi and watch the Christmas decors put up in UP. 

As we were waiting for the food to be served, I took out some oil blotting sheets and some powdered paper to freshen myself up. Partner's used to my routine but my sister despises it.

"Para kanino ka ba talaga nagpapaganda? Este nagpapapogi?" my sister asked annoyingly.

"E gusto ko lang fresh ako tingnan. Nagpapaganda este nagpapapogi agad?" I joked.

Partner, on the other hand, cracked a smile.

After the food has been served, partner prepared the condiments, mixing his soy sauce with calamansi and some pepper.

"Mahilig ka sa maanghang?" my sister asked.

"Oo naman. Mas masarap e," partner replied.

"Ah Sige nga kuya," sister turned to me. "Kung lalaki ka nga, lagyan mo nga ng sili sawsawan mo."

Partner almost died trying to hold back his laughter.

"Ugh, e bakit ba? E sa hindi ako mahilig sa maanghang e."


After dinner, since my sister was not allowed to tag along with us in elbi, I had to get her home first before heading to elbi with partner. While walking, my sister ever inquisitive and suggestive, dropped the line that blown me away.

"Kuya, bakit di na lang mag-overnight satin si Kuya (referring to partner) para mas makapag-bonding pa kayo?"

I was taken aback. My heart dropped.

Does she have any idea? Partner and I were careful, weren't we? 

My 10-yr. old sister smiled as I walked along in silence.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

Gym Quickie: Frustrating results

Ugh. It's getting frustrating. One year and I feel like results are not satisfying. Sorry. But it really gets to my nerves that I'm still far from my goal.

It's so frustrating that I'm a hardgainer. I'm eating tons and working out religiously but still the results are disappointing. Even the gym instructor said so. I'm planning to change my supplements hoping it will do the trick.

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Sunday, December 1, 2013

Seventh monthsary comedy blues

"Ako lang tao rito sa bahay. Alis sila mamaya. Heheheh" I texted him.

"Sige. Anong oras tayo kita?"

"Let's have lunch here, you want?"

"Can't. How about 2.30pm?"

"Okay. Can't wait. :)" I replied.

While waiting, I cleaned the whole house and made sure my room was spotless. I bathed, put on a bit of cologne, brushed and gargled with mouthwash. I put on skimpy shorts and a thin sando to make things a bit casual yet sexy.

"San ka na?" I texted him after waiting for more than an hour. Being habitually late is one of his nasty habits we need have discussed over and over.

"Lapit na."

Thirty minutes passed by still no signs of him. I found out he got lost on his way and was about to take another tricycle. I reiterated the directions just to be sure and read a book to let time pass by.

Finally, I heard a tricycle stopped in front of the house and there he was with the smile that never fails to make me melt.

Once inside, we talked for a bit and I made the first move. I kissed him and he kissed back passionately. I told him we should move in my room as someone might see us. The kiss went intense as we got ourselves in my room. His fingers playing with my nipples pinching hard. I kissed the nape of his neck while I took off my sando.

"Please, nibble my nipples," I begged.

He went down and devoured my chest nuts. I moaned in pleasure.

"You're really good in this," I complimented him.

My hands travelled down southwards and found the zipper that separated my hands from what I was looking for. I felt his rock hard dick and my mouth watered.

"Ui, ano ginagawa mo?" he asked.

"Ano pa nga ba?" I asked seductively. "Ilabas mo na. Hehehe. Nasan na ang rubber?"

"Ha? Wala kang sinabi bunso. Edi sana bumili ako," his hands suddenly stopped playing with my nipples.

"Huh? Ako pa. Kala ko naman gets mo na. Hmp."

He laughed and kissed my neck. I laughed back.

"So, mauuwi nanaman sa kilitian at tawanan eto?" I asked him with my face slightly pouting trying hard not to laugh further.

"E, ano pa nga ba?" He pinched my nipples and tickled me.

Uh, I was hoping for more. Next time, I should have rubber at home just in case.

I'll make a mental note of that.

Seven months and nothing has happened between us yet. I'm going to go crazy. Dinaig ko pa si Maria Clara.

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