Friday, October 25, 2013

Queer Quickie: BBM

Nice move, BB. BB has been once the 'iphone' of the market but since the emergence of iOS and Android with their ever growing app market BB has been struggling with their market share. In response, Blackberry has recently made its famouse Blackberry Messenger to its two biggest competitors, IOS and Android. Moving to being a software provider can actually save you just like what Atari did.

So far, I'm enjoying BBM. Too bad I only have a few contacts to chat with as of the moment. Maybe because of the 'queuing system' one has to go through in order to get his respective BBM pin. On the other hand, the application has been working smoothly and has served its purpose. I still have yet to explore its other features though.

So, BB, thank you for this move and I'm still looking forward to you competing in the market. I believe you are a great company with awesome devices, I still drool dreamily over your products, but the app market share of iOS and Android has swerved most of your potential customers. Yea, tough love but hey where's the thrill in the absence of competition?

posted from Bloggeroid

Sunday, October 20, 2013

The Unshakeable

Recent events have left me shaken. The earthquake in Bohol scared me to the point I wake up in the middle of the night afraid and full of sweat. I'm not sure if this is a product of mass hysteria the media has unknowingly induced or if this stemmed from the fact that I'm afraid of things I can't control.
No. I'm not a control freak. I don't revel in power nor control.

It's just that, I'm scared when I face a predicament in which I reach a dead end because I'm out of controllable variables to change the outcome of an event. And natural disasters are ultimate dead-ends for me.

What if it hits Manila? Or Bicol? What about partner? My family? Our family? 

I texted partner and told him how I felt about the earthquake. 

"Di na natin yan makokontrol, bunso. Wala natayong magagawa dyan. Makakapagdasal lang tayo, bunso."

Simple words. But I felt better.

So, to my fellow Cebuanos. Let's stay strong. Let's get up. Our land may be shakeable but not us.


Finally introduced my partner to

... 9-yr. old sister.

I never have expected partner to agree with sister tagging along with us on our date since partner is quite an introvert but he said yes. My sister's exams just ended and she asked if we could watch "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2" last Saturday and as I have the intent to reconnect with siblings I told her I'll treat her. Unfortunately, it was on date night with partner and I can't move it to the day after as I've already committed myself to college friends so I texted him right away to ask if sister could come along.

"Ui, pwede ko isama si 9-yr. old sister? I'll treat her a movie tonight."

Seconds seemed minutes. I sincerely hoped he will agree as I don't want to miss date night. I don't want to waste his efforts coming home every weekend from Bicol.

Finally, he replied, "Oo naman po. Anong movie? What time po?"

I almost jumped out of happiness. Somehow, I felt that it was a step up from our relationship despite of the fact that he's only meeting my 9-yr. Old sister. Still she's family and I want her to meet him and him meet her.

Funny, I was like a kid given a big chocolate bar when I received his reply. I immediately answered him and told him my thanks and I rushed telling my sister to prepare. My sister looked excited as well not knowing that she will meet the person who broke through her kuya's jaded heart and made her kuya fall to the unimaginable oblivion. I told her to take her bath quickly and to get at least prepared an hour before the movie starts. I, on the other hand, was smiling goofily. Happiness shallow, easily reached.

Everything prepared and we went.

On our way to SM, I suddenly felt this nervousness. One can actually trace the beads of sweat trickling through my forehead. I've never introduced ANYONE, not even friends, to any member of my family. How would my sister find partner? What would she tell my parents? Would she get a hint of the true nature of our relationship? She's smart enough to at at least get an idea.

I shrugged off those thoughts. I looked at my sister and she smiled as she went on with her story about her recent updates in school. Her smile. We both have the same smile. The same eyes. We've been always told how much we look alike but I've never seen that until now.

I was reassured for a certain degree as she held my hand and we got off the jeep. As we walked towards the mall, I gripped her hand tightly while my knees went cold and I can feel a slight wobble. I texted partner that we were at the mall and we should meet at the ticket booth instead.

Escalator. We ascended. I left my stomach at the previous floor. 

Dugdugdug.  Why am I this nervous? It's just a simple movie date with my 9-yr.old sister and my partner. What's there to be nervous about? Think rational. 

"Kuya, anlamig ata ng kamay mo," my sister said.

I ignored her. I squinted my eyes and there he was with the smile I'll never forget.

"Hey, kaibigan ko. Call him Kuya na lang. Kapatid ko. Call her *******."

Quick introductions. Enter then exit. Smooth and easy.

Partner laughed as we bought our tickets. He quickly warmed to my sister. "Ui, kamukhang kamukha mo kuya mo."

"Aba, ayoko nga. Maganda ako."

"Kung makapagsalita itong batang ito. Ka-swerte mo nga at ako kamukha mo. Medyo nalugi nga ako kapag ganyan e."

"At ikaw pa may gana na malugi ha," partner defended my sister. 

"Huhuhu," I said, acting like a baby. "Pati baga naman sa inyong dalawa pagtutulungan parin ako. Tara na nga bumili ng snacks."

We walked towards the grocery store. My sister led the way and we were left behind. My sister, so independent at times. My partner pinched me playfully while walking and I pushed him aside as we hid at this stall from my sister but still keeping her within my line of sight.

"Ambully mong kuya." I laughed as I intentionally showed myself when sister looked back when she realized we disappeared. 

"Kuya ang kulit mo para kang bata!"

"Ay sya tara na bumili ng snacks," I told them.

"Dapat libre ng kuya mo."

"Haha, dapat nga nanlilibre ng snacks yang si kapatid e. Dami kaya niyang pera," I said. My sister then held at her purse firmly yet jokingly. I know she saved up for a few tokens at the arcade.

And the two went on goading me to treat them as we bought our snacks. Ugh. They were the bullies all along. Pfffft.

We went into the movie house after buying our snacks. A few stolen glances and a bit of I love you's were said while my sister was beside me. We were careful not to get caught by my sister as we don't want her to start telling things to my mom and dad.

The movie started. I was seated between partner and my sister and I handed out the snacks. I told sister to offer my partner some food. As my sister began to be engrossed at the movie, my routine with partner started. I slid my hand between us and he slid his. Our fingers intertwined. I smiled and looked at him.

"I love you," he mouthed.

"I love you too," I said.

He suddenly puckered his lips. I thought he was going in for a kiss when I realized he was gesturing towards my sister. I looked at her. Still engrossed at the movie. Her whole life taken over by the food-people the movie depicted. My partner smiled. He laughed. I like his smile and laugh. He never forgets to smile despite of everything. 

"I really can't help but comment how much she looks like you."

"Well, we are siblings."

"At mukhang makulit. Parang ikaw."

"Hahaha, ah dyn di na ako magaagree. Ambait-bait ko kaya. Di naman ako naughty. No pun intended. Hahahhaha."

I looked at my sister and made sure she was not looking and I kissed my partner's hand.


*****

After the movie, we went to Globe center and I applied for a postpaid plan. My sister, ever hyper and active, asked if she could play at the arcade while waiting for me. I agreed and asked partner if he's okay with watching over my sister for a few minutes. He agreed and they went.

I waited for my application and I took notice of a young couple strolling hand in hand together. Sweet. I'm such a sucker for simple gestures. I realized that partner and I haven't held hands yet in public. Something I've looked forward to every time we meet. We have conformed to the norms of the conservatism of our country wherein two guys can't hold hands in public without mean eyes and slurs being hurled at them. Maybe, I'm just too ambitious. The Philippines is not ready for that... yet. Wait. I've seen two guys helds before. Near workplace! Hahaha. I can still remember how shocked I was. Not out of horror but shocked with awe that I was actually left open-mouthed looking at them. So maybe, the Philippines is not ready but still we're on our way. 

I can't wait.

My partner and sister went back from the arcade. My partner can't help but explain how surprised he was how my sister played her games. Very competitive. Hahaha. And all the rough games. That motorcycle game, time crisis game, and racing games. Partner even demonstrated how my sister played that motorcycle game.

"Broooom. Brooom," he mimicked as he acted as if he was driving the motorcycle exaggeratedly competitive.


"Nakakatawa kapatid mo."

"I know right."

"I love you. She has your eyes."

"Bakit? Mata lagi napapansin samin."

"Mwuah mwuah mwuah," as he made kissy sounds.

"I missed you. I super duper miss you. LDRs are tough."

"Kaya natin ito bunso." 

I looked at him with full determination.

"Kuya, let's go. Gutom na ako," sister said. Uh. 

"Gutom ka nanaman e isang malaking lata ng pringles ang kinain mo. Grabe."

"Hayaan mo na yung bata. Dapat nga iniispoil yan," partner to the rescue.

"Nabanggit ko lang. Di naman pinpigilan. Magsama na nga lang kayong dalawa."

I held my sister's hand. My partner held the other and we strolled. Everything felt in place. Everything felt normal. 

It will be alright. We're on our way.


posted from Bloggeroid

Friday, October 11, 2013

Queer Quickie - That's My Tomboy

I'm glad we have a lesbian-themed segment in our Philippine TV. I believe that of the LGBT niche, lesbians are the less acknowledged(?). We don't have that many lesbian characters nor themed shows and I think this segment has finally put the lesbians upfront and say "hey, here we are. We exist."

On the other hand, I wonder if the reason for this is because lesbians are more tolerated, which is different from accepted, and normalized compared to gays, bis, and transgenders based on my perspective.

And another, di ko alam kung ang dapat ko bang sabihin e mas lalo nakakabakla ang mga contestants o nagiging straight ako dahil sa kanila. ;)

posted from Bloggeroid

Blog Plug - The Rainbow Connection

This blog deserves more views. I've read the first two posts and they're quite good.

So if you are a telenovela type of guy who is searching for love, take a peek inside:

blogserye2013.blogspot.com

posted from Bloggeroid

Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Top ten things I shouldn't be thinking in the first place

Disclaimer: some here are intense issues so please bear with me. Not for those who have weak faith or beliefs nor for those who easily believes and the close-minded. Correct me. Refute me if I'm wrong. Let's discuss if you may.

1. Relatively speaking to the plane of the solar system, have scientists checked if there are planets above it or under it?

2. If God is all-powerful and all-knowing, does that mean humans don't have freewill? If humans have free will does that cancel out the existence of an omnipotent and omniscient being?

3. As an extension of the idea in number 2, God has plans for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us hope and a future. This means each and every human is designed and planned by God. But what about those born out of rape? Was it planned for that girl to be raped for God's plans to be carried out? Does that mean the rapist is working under God's will?

4. What if we are the only surviving sentient species in this whole wide universe or what if we are the smartest of all surviving sentient species?

5. Why do undergarments have designs?

6. Is the mouth designed for sex?

7. As a believer of nature vs. nurture, I believe that a social behavior is not linked with genes. Does that mean one cannot be born gay since falling in love is a social behavior?

8. What if dolphins, whales, and other animals considered to be smart are actually sentient? We just don't understand what they say. Based on my observations, they can make actual decisions not based solely on responding to stimuli. Not entirely sure on this though.

9. Did God really make man or did man create god?

10. What if your whole existence is just a part of someone else's dreams?

Random thinking. I miss my cups of coffee.

posted from Bloggeroid

Thursday, October 3, 2013

My 9-yr. Old sister is being cheesy with

"Hui, friend kamusta ka na?" a text message from my sister read.

"Hui, friend ayos lang ako," her friend replied.

"Friend, may assignment ba tayo?" my sister asked.

"Wala. Bakit di ka pa natutulog? Gabing gabi na ah."

"Di ako makatulog kakaisip sayo, BEA."

Boooom! Headache. I need paracetamol.

posted from Bloggeroid

Wednesday, October 2, 2013

Queer Quickie: WeChat is the new Grindr

I can't help but notice how many greetings I get in WeChat that came from guys. Last night, I received more or less 30 invites/greetings in less than 5 hours and only one from a girl. I laughed because obviously these guys are not straight. I mean would a straight guy add another guy as a contact casually?

How can I turn off that 'people nearby' feature? I don't want my profile to show up there anymore.

posted from Bloggeroid

I can't help but feel

Shame. Yes. Maybe, after everything that has happened, despite of how much we are far apart, I can't help myself but be ashamed of you. Of what happened to us. You failed on your role and we are left with that void.11 years, and counting, of words left unspoken, I wonder if reconciliation is still possible.

Pity. Yes. You. I pity you for thinking who you are is what you are when actually you're far from what you thought you are. With all your pride and self-righteousness, you felt a certain power that never was yours nor it will be. There are people better than you, I've learned that lesson myself as well. Painfully. And as your friend, I'm trying to teach you that. But you still stand on the pedestal you made for yourself as you cast your eyes down on us. You're alone up there. Let me help you get back. I'm here for you.

Sadness. No, I'm not emotional. I'm quite a happy individual. But behind the smiles, I just want tell you how torn and broken I am inside.

Thankful. Gratitude for picking every piece of me and bringing me back together. You bled for I have hurt you. You cried and yet you never stopped putting each piece of me together, pricking your fingers and having your heart broken in the process, just to see the beauty that is me. I will never let you be hurt again and it's my turn to heal the wounds I have caused. I never deserved you but you made me feel I am enough. You have changed me. The jaded me has melted. Forever maybe cloudy but I will be with you each day if you let me. Sorry for everything I have done and might do but I assure you I'm learning. I'll never let go of you my dear. Let's try to make the forever possible.

Disappointed. Disappointed for I have not done my part as your big brother. I grew up far away from you two as well. You grew up close together as I drifted further from you. I hope you will understand that what happened between us is a result of my intellectual pursuit. My pursuit to bring home the bacon. My pursuit to maintain my scholarships so that we will have enough money to send you to good schools. I am disappointed that as I brought home the award coveted for, Magna Cum Laude, top of the whole university, I have unknowingly placed you in the same pressure I've been through even now. To my brother, you are pressured to follow my footsteps but you were never expected to bring home the same award. They expect you to graduate as Cum Laude not knowing you can achieve further. You are living behind my shadow and our sister's. I urge you to prove them wrong. Whatever is the result, be comforted with the fact that you gave a good fight. Reach for the stars. If you fail, at least you will land on the moon as they say. As for you my dear sister, my sweet 9-yr. Old sister, you are placed in this pressure at a very young age. You are mentally conditioned at this early age to graduate as Summa to complete the 'set'. Live life. I'm glad you're not affected anymore. But my heart broke when you cried because you finished second last school year and you were afraid what he may tell you. I'm sure you will do better. You're the smartest of us all. But I'm here to remind you to live life. I'll teach you how to play when you forget because of you burning the midnight oil in the future. We will play games, all three of us deprived of the intellectual comfort we need, just as I have dreamed. We will get through this together.

Contentment for I have a medium in which I could unload my thoughts. This blog has done me well. It has served me well. You readers became my friends. I have always looked forward to your comments that never failed to warm my heart. Honestly, your presence in this blog have made life easier. You became my confidante, blog and readers. You may not be many but you are treasured. I love you. I wish I could tell you how much I am thankful for being there with me through the good times and the bad. This life is a roller coaster journey. Thank you for taking this ride with me.

Life. People are always in pursuit of happiness in life and yet life throws a lot of emotions towards us. We fail to appreciate this. We get angry because we failed to be happy. In reality, how can we appreciate sweets if this is all that we had? How can we appreciate happiness without experiencing the other emotions we should go through?

Shame.
Pity.
Sadness.
Gratitude.
Disappointement.
Contentment.

We all go through these and a lot more.

But in the end, there is happiness. One way or another, it is definitely waiting along the journey or at the end of the tunnel.

And with that, I smile and I can't help but keep moving forward.

posted from Bloggeroid