Friday, February 7, 2014

How should I react

when I learned recently that partner dated someone four months (?) before we made our relationship official? Allegedly. Partner denies dating anyone during that period. No confrontations. Just questions. Partner said he doesn't even remember the guy but the guy claims that partner lent him one of his books. How does one, who is a self-proclaimed book lover, forget a person who has his book?

Could it be called cheating? We were not even an item that time. But definitely we were in the courtship stage.

Should I even be bothered when it happened moths ago?


Why did I try my best to find the Facebook page of the OTHER guy?


Should I feel betrayed? We're about to hit ten months. The guy said they haven't seen each other for a year. 

But knowing that there's this OTHER guy during the courtship stage made me feel queasy. 

The worst part is that it's only a year later that I've learned only a bit of it.






I'm left staring at the OTHER's profile page while seeing partner as a mutual friend. Irritated. Confused. Obscured stories. Lies hidden. How much of partner's silence about most of his life covered the parts that I should know? Which parts should I know anyway? On the other hand, do I even have the guts to know?


24 comments:

  1. hmmm.... Baka masyadong assuming lang yung other guy. Just stay calm and be observant. And besides, technically speaking, your partner wasn't cheating at the time. As for the book thing, well, baka naman nakalimutan na talaga. Give him the benefit of the doubt. Let him explain. Let him give his palabra de honor.

    Ewan lang. Wag ka masyado mag rely sa mga sinasabi ko. Hindi ako expert talaga sa field na ito.

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    Replies
    1. My thoughts exactly, Mr. Tripster. I feel comforted suddenly. It's partner I will always trust. Naisip ko rin na baka date na sa point of view yun ni other guy.

      Everything just blew me away. I don't know if it is right to always trust him.

      Even he said so that trust should not be given entirelh because it could lead to disappointments made by the little things.

      Lumalayo na ata sagot ko

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    2. I agree sa sinabi ni Mr. T isa pa maaring hindi na sinabi ni partner mo sayo iyo dahil para sa kanya ang importante ay ikaw dahil ikaw ang pinili nya kaya out of the picture na si other.

      Delete
    3. But he was told about me. Shouldn't I have been told about him?

      Delete
  2. how should you react should depends on a lot of factors. You are asking the right questions though so that's a good start.

    As someone who love books, nakakalimutan ko din kung sino nanghiram sa akin until such a time na babasahin ko na ung book. But I do use the memory game as a poor excuse if I get cornered.

    Is it cheating? Depends on your definition of cheating. For me it's not but I'm a cheater so yeah that sucks.

    Should you be bothered? Completely up to you. But I guess the question you should be asking is are you bothered that it happened or the fact that he tried to deny it?

    Why did you search for the guy's FB? Curiousity and insecurity.

    Betrayed? Comes back to the earlier question about cheating.


    You forgot the most important question. Does any of this matter? The answer is no. What matters is how all of this made you feel. Does it change how you feel about him? Do you think less of him? Do you still love him?

    It's you that matters. Your decision matters. So decide. Decide to love him and accept him for who he is or decide otherwise. You can decide to forgive him and move forward or decide that his sins are too much to forgive. Because in the end, it's you and your heart that will go through it all.

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  3. Just a question, who is he committed to now?

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  4. Based on experience maybe you are just over reacting to things like how I did before when I found out that guy he was super close with ended up to be just his cousin

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    Replies
    1. Where is the line between rational and irrational drawn? Anyway, I'll keep things in check. Thanks!

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  5. baka masyado mo lang palalakihin ang issue kapag nagisip ka pa nang kung anu-ano. well i'm no expert so ewan ko. haha

    pero chill lang because at the end of the day ikaw naman ang pinili niya.

    since nung time na yun kinikilala niya rin naman ang iba at hindi pa naman kayo at ligawan pa lang i guess pwede rin naman magentertain para mas makilala niya at mas makipili nga siya. well yun nga ikaw naman pinili so ayun.

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    Replies
    1. I reacted casually when I talked to him about this. I think?

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  6. Here's a couple of quotes for you from my favorite author and favorite book that might help you reflect, re-evaluate and not be bothered anymore...

    "“Everything that happens once can never happen again. But everything that happens twice will surely happen a third time.” - Paolo Coelho; The Alchemist

    “I don’t live in either my past or my future. I’m interested only in the present. If you can concentrate always on the present, you’ll be a happy man. Life will be a party for you, a grand festival, because life is the moment we’re living now.” -Paolo Coelho; The Alchemist

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  7. Agree na lang ako kay Tripster. Mahirap kontrahin ung taong un eh. Nandito pala si Nomad. Hayst. hehehe

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  8. Be vigilant from now on. Not paranoid, but vigilant.

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  9. Wag masyadong aligaga at paranaoid , trust! Is the answer!

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  10. You better check his phone...if he can multitask while he's courting you ,
    he sure can multisex too...HAHAHAHAHA

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    Replies
    1. This has entered my thoughts as well that's why the doubts are pretty difficult to ignore.

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  11. hi blog walking here... follower # 42! :)..

    please follow me back http://tfdme.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete