Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Cheating

I think I am about to cheat with a guy I consider as a jerk who seems to be only interested with what my body has to offer and nothing else. I am bothered not by the idea but rather I am bothered that I am about to do it now. That as I remember my ideals for the past 20 years, I realized that my love for my partner has changed me so much that those ideals are mere wishful thinking of a life that will never be.

To you, partner, I believe you already sense what I am about to do as your texts suddenly gone cold since last night. You have always been complacent that without improvements my love for you will always make me choose you. You never say sorry unless I reach out to you and you had the nerve to threaten me to leave me in the streets after waiting for you for so long just to see you. I have always believed that love between two people can make them grow individually and as a couple but "US" has become stagnant and dull.

Sometimes love can get tired as it whitles into ashes and the flame between two people dies. I've tried so much to reignite it but you unconsciously blew the fire away leaving me in cold darkness I am an alien of.

To the guy who seems to be interested only in my body, I'll let you take advantage of my current state. Even though I am afraid you may not like me, my insecurities heightened as I look in the mirror trying to look my best, I assure myself that one date and maybe a post date activity is enough. That there are no strings attached between us. Some may say that I'm just being used by you in order to release the pent up sexual urges but in reality I am using you to live a fantasy away from my shattered love life. We are only hurting each other. The one who comes out of this with the most wounds lose and I'm pretty sure I will do my best that it will not be me.

I guess I have become jaded. Maybe love is really just an illusion. If it is real, it may not be for me. Because I have believed that I have found love in the man I call partner but instead I found disrespect.

Disrespect which I learned to do to myself as I imagine waking up in a room unfamiliar with a man I do not call as partner.

Now I understand why people cheat. I realized that in the context of cheating in a relationship, putting blame is difficult to do. Each party may be at fault and each may deserve a certain degree of blame. But cheating may provide a perfect bliss, an escape from despair and in the end may fix the broken even if it is only temporary .

Should I break up with you, partner? Why do I have to resort to cheating?

Because there's still a part of me tirelessly wishing that all will be all right between us and that part of me is patiently reasserting me from what I am about to do.

Haiy.

Cheers to new experience insight.

posted from Bloggeroid

28 comments:

  1. I don't understand you FSOQ. I've seen you already, and you look fine naman. What's with the insecurity? And why?

    Regarding with you cheating, I have nothing to say, honestly. He, who does not sin, may cast the first stone, ika nga.

    May you find peace, my friend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sep, I don't really buy that "he who does not sin, may cast the first stone" - at least not in this situation.
      In this situation, I'd aim for this guy's head in the hopes to knock some sense in to him.

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    2. *hmmm* You're right, Vic. Ang sa'kin lang, though what FSOQ did was wrong, somehow, I could empathized with him. Besides, I already gave him my two cents worth weeks ago. Ayaw ko ng paulit-ulit. :(

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    3. Sorry, Sep. Your advice is well appreciated. But I'm tired of how everything is turning out. Time to be a bad guy. I'm not proud of it but I want to just say that when people are pushed past their breaking point, change is bound to happen.

      Whatever I am doing, it's merely a produxt of events leading me to making this decision. Rest assured, I'm going to play safe.

      In the first place, in the context of my current relationship, it seems that I have already lost and with it I've lost myself as well.

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    4. hmmm .... ang akin lang. If you do it, there'll be consequences. Saka, bakit mo pa sinulat? May pre-empted evidence pa tuloy? hehehe

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    5. I completely understand you, FSOQ.

      For me, cheating is still a huge mistake, no matter how you try to rationalize it. However, I think this is one important mistake that you have to commit in life. Just make sure that you will learn something from it afterward.

      And also, I hope na you won't let yourself change; don't lose the innocent you just because you have lost in love. That would be tragic.

      Delete
  2. If one has to cheat, he makes sure he has a lot to gain and not otherwise. If one cheats, but loses in the end, then it spoils the point of it - cheating and all. If you're going to cheat, make a grand scheme out of it - otherwise, it's just stupid.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, you clearly have a unique perspective towards cheating. That made sense.

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    2. when one cheats, it could be so he can get ahead. but most of the time, people cheat just so they can be on even grounds with others.

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    3. Sep, He already admitted to cheating before he even had the chance. So hindi na counted as cheating.

      Jeki, wall na rin naman siyang nilalamangan.

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    4. ...I'll keep this in mind, Victor.

      Delete
  3. we cheat not because we wanted to hurt other people nor so we will be numb. we cheat because we want the appreciation that we are not getting from the person we want to get it from. we cheat because it provides an escape from reality - that even for those few minutes or hours, you were "loved".

    your post made me sad. another innocence lost. another broken heart. how I wish I could just show you all my scars and that will be enough lesson for you to know not to do the things that I did before. but of course, that is not the case. I was young once. just like you. and I know that you will learn, and mature, in your own way. and for us that came before you, we can only share what we have seen, felt, tasted, and wasted and leave the decision to you.

    may you find what you are looking for.

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  4. why cheat when you can discuss openly to your partner?
    why cheat when you can just break it off?

    so now cheating can get you ahead
    so now cheating is something to be proud of
    so now cheating becomes an option

    is that it? now tell me more, seems like I don't know how to cheat

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Cheating may only get you ahead. One can still lose in the end.
      Cheating is not something to be proud of.
      Cheating has always been an option.

      Delete
    2. It only becomes an option if it can fix something... Otherwise why make it when all it will do is wreck everything?

      I think you guys have clouded judgement about cheating, and I know to each his own, but think about what you guys wrote here. It's as if cheating is the normal thing to do and all other options are the wrong ones.

      Why make cheating grand?
      Why make it an option?
      Why escape from reality by means of cheating?
      Why seek appreciation by means of cheating?

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    3. Why make cheating grand? - media made cheating grand. reality made it, well real.
      Why make it an option? - everything is an option for someone who is looking for a way to explain and to escape whatever it is thay they are afraid to face.
      Why escape from reality by means of cheating? - we escape reality because the pain it brings is too much. we escape because even for those few minutes of folly, reality doesn't seem to exist.
      Why seek appreciation by means of cheating? - we look for appreciation yet none was given. we hunger for attentiono yet none was found. someone, somewhere, offered what you were yearning. and for a heart lost and hurt, we grab those hands being offered to us, may it be to pull us up or pull us down to the mud.

      all judgements are clouded. cheating is cheating, normal or not.

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    4. "Why seek appreciation by means of cheating? - we look for appreciation yet none was given. we hunger for attentiono yet none was found. someone, somewhere, offered what you were yearning. and for a heart lost and hurt, we grab those hands being offered to us, may it be to pull us up or pull us down to the mud."

      It's not that none was given nor found, it's that people are never contented, but still doesn't give you the right to cheat. So every time you don't get what you want you cheat? Sounds that way to me.

      "Why escape from reality by means of cheating? - we escape reality because the pain it brings is too much. we escape because even for those few minutes of folly, reality doesn't seem to exist."

      this is such a cowardly attitude towards life, if you can't handle reality, then I suggest not to fool around with someone else's reality

      "Why make it an option? - everything is an option for someone who is looking for a way to explain and to escape whatever it is that they are afraid to face."

      so the way to escape is to cheat, hmm really sounds foolish to me

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    5. ganito kesheh hehehehe

      you try to rationalize things too much based on logic. cheating people compensate with something, they won't resort to such if they were confident in fair play

      think of ego boost. think of unsatisfied fantasy. think of passive aggressive anger.

      then you might understand where they come from.

      it might be invalid reasoning but it does come from somewhere

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    6. Invalid reasoning is the right term

      Oh and yes it comes from somewhere, but it's not from the mind nor from the heart.

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    7. Then where does it come from? Isn't every action a product of a decision?

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    8. Where does it come from? May nasulat na akong 4 paragraph comment then Nagkamli ako ng pindot.so wasted effort.

      But to answer where it come from, the product of YOUR decision...
      STUPIDITY is the root of it.

      I'm open to discuss it with you, since it may sound like I'm simply being mean and ruthless. I have my reasons for saying such, again, Nabura lang sa isang iglap. I based my reason with most of your previous posts, and the trail of your thinking. Somewhere down that trail, you took a sudden shift of direction without taking a change of pace. Hence, stumbling is your end point.

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    9. Was it sudden? Maybe. But that turning point has a reason as well. It's not without thinking things thoroughly.

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    10. If you as you say, thoughy about it thoroughly, you wouldn't have cheated...

      Oh, btw I'm not taking this against you as a person, I'm taking this against the action itself. You could have done better but you chose the easiest and most pathetic way of escaping the hardship that you are going through.

      So many things could have been done, pero wala na, nagawa na anh deed so my prayers to you. I hope you find peace

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    11. Who said I don't have to cheat after thinking things through? The mind is a very intricate part of us and can act independent from the norms of the society. I'm sorry if I don't think or see things the way you do. We're currently fitting different shoes. Sorry if you find what I did very pathetic but I've been through A LOT. I'm sorry for trying to fix the relationship, for having failed, for trying ro branch out and for hoping. Sorry for

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    12. And sorry for disappointing you.

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    13. No apologies needed
      We are merely stating our own point of view

      I find it pathetic and unnecessary and you find it as a solution to your current situation

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    14. We handle relationships on our own way. Let him commit his own mistakes, and learn the lessons on his own afterward.

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    15. I don't think he considers it as a mistake...

      But oh well :)

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