Monday, October 27, 2014

Still in contact

We're still in contact and we're still fighting.

I fail to reply to some of his messages, he gets mad and I get accused of sleeping around, waking up in another bed, and beside with another man.

"I feel offended. Don't you have trust in me? How can I have the hope of this, us, getting fixed if you can't even trust me? When doubts still loom?" I asked.

"It's not you that I don't trust. I don't trust myself."

Does this mean he doesn't trust himself to man up and fight for whatever is left in our relationship? Does this mean that I'm waiting in vain? That all my hope is for nothing?

Will he fight for us? Stand by us?

Will he choose me? I made a promise that I'll wait for him to come back, that we will still grow old together, that what we have is worth fighting for.

Stop. He left. Already. He chose self preservation. Your love for each other is not strong enough.

Your love has already ended.

But I'm willing to live in delusion.

posted from Bloggeroid


  1. Im "in a way" had same experience with you before but different situation, It very difficult situation and i can say its really hell.

  2. Same.. Still in contact kami but I just cannot help but be unfriendly to him when we talk.

  3. Been there. Done that. Trying to hold on to whatever is left. But then when you lose the trust, everything is just unstable.

    Eventually, you would have to let go.