Friday, May 30, 2014

Forever is about to end

Because there is no such as thing as forever and trust can never be really fixed. One can only take so much and repetitive mistake is a form of abuse and disrespect.

How naive and stupid am I to fall for the idea of forever.

And 'us', as optimistic as I can be, is beyond repair, I believe.

I told myself that deserving better doesn't mean deserving it from another person.

But that doesn't seem to be the case in this context.

But I'm too weak. I love him too much that I am still willing to look past of everything despite of everything.

I'm confused. I deserve respect and I deserve better. But my love for him is far greater than my love for myself.

Truly, you became my weakness.
posted from Bloggeroid

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Clouds of doubts over the horizons

"Ano gusto mo mangyari satin?" I asked him. The cold night breeze hit our faces and I heard a bit of the lake's waves ripple.

He hung in silence. I lost faith.

Petty reasons maybe but there's only so much I could handle. You see, all the little things can pile up until I cannot bear all of them at all. One by one, they each came tumbling down, drowning me into misery and yet all I could do was hold his hand tightly and believe that everything will be all right. That everything will progress. That our relationship would bloom and make sense.

But as each little thing tumbled, I stumbled and I got fed up.

Yet I will still hold on. But please, partner, please make me feel that as I hold on, you're keeping me from falling further away from you. That I'm for keeps.

Because no matter how much I do, no matter how much I believe that nothing could make me unlove you...

if nothing's going to change, if nothing's going to progress...

then my heart could only bear as many and eventually will burn out.

Suddenly, forever seems to be next to impossibility.


***** 

So many drafts unpublished. I'm left staring at them blankly on screen.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Fear of failure

Why do I have to have this fear which only results to counterproductivity? No matter how I say that failure is just a stepback from my goals and not a complete roadblock you can conquer, I still can't help myself but be afraid of it. I know that failures entail learnings and no one is perfect yet whenever I am waiting for a result, I only grow anxious and afraid. Haiy.

I'm grateful partner is providing the motivation I much need.

posted from Bloggeroid

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Gym Quickie May 2014

Last week, I hunted for a gym I could switch to and saw one better than I went to before. I'm going to miss my gym crush. I haven't seen anyone of my type in the new gym. Bummer. Anyway, I go to the gym to lift not to boy hunt so everything is well.

I still miss gym crush though.




posted from Bloggeroid