Friday, June 27, 2014

Keeping in mind

... that nothing lasts forever. It makes endings less painful.

posted from Bloggeroid

It shows on the face

How a husband treats his wife shows on the wife's face.

Pimples. Pursed lips. A friend noted how my eyes has lost its spark. Haiyayaiy.

posted from Bloggeroid

Lapses

How many lapses should I let pass by? I'm getting tired and the relationship is bearing weight I cannot handle anymore. I'm tired of being sad and disappointed.

Then again, I have my own faults and lapses. Who am I to look at his?

I guess because I exert effort to change which I am asking from him in return.

I want to end this. I don't see this bearing fruit.

Forever is a fantasy. Nothing lasts forever and everything is temporary. Emotions are temporary especially.

posted from Bloggeroid

Fallen

I've fallen in love.
Now I'm falling out of it.
Keep me, please. I beg.

Haiku of the fallen soldier of love

posted from Bloggeroid

Saturday, June 21, 2014

Between delusion and reality

"Because it’s so easy, isn’t it, to fool yourself that things are what they really aren’t, simply because you want it so badly?" -Margie, Rappler 2014

Sometimes I just don't want to think of anything at all. I'll just go with the flow this time. My brain doesn't function at all and I don't know if what I think I'm seeing is real or just wishful thinking. Maybe, I'm at your mercy. You're kind and insensitive at the same time and all I wish to remember and think is you and your kind acts. The acts I've been holding onto and enjoy. Maybe you really are kind and you really do take care of me and you being insensitive is just you being clueless and forgetful.

What if I move that the relationship should be opened? Will I dare date other guys? Are there any other guys that will look past behind my physical imperfections, the pimples and all? Or am I doomed to be alone without you? That you are the first last, and only guy who will settle for me? The only one who will settle little old me, who thinks too much, pa-virgin, and ugly? In this sexually charged community, is love really hard to find? Don't I have that already?

Why me? Why am I even in a relationship in the first place? Aren't all relationships doomed to fail at one point? That some relationships only survive for we have clinged on the ideals we delusionally see to the point we lose sight of reality?

I have my own faults I believe. You have yours. Who am I to point out yours? Does that make me perfect?

I don't want to ask anymore. Lead me from delusion to reality.

I want to be part of your world as I am more than willing to make you part of mine. Compartmentalizing me is something I understand but to understand for how long is something I wonder.

I want to be assured. I want to fix this. I want everything to be okay.

Please, let me feel that. As you jokingly threaten to leave me in the streets, with your smile and all, while I point out you've been late for an hour and a half leaving me waiting while listening to how the rain beat the roof on last night, I felt scared. Who wouldn't? Am I not exerting enough effort to understand and fix things and yet there you were telling me that you will leave me if I point out how late you were. That I shouldn't test you and your patience. Have not I been patient enough?

How can I be assured that everything will be all right when everything has been a seesaw with you (there I go again asking questions with answers unsure)?

I guess life is just full of ups and downs.

You might become my downfall.

Brain stop thinking, please. Please, stop.

Evrything feels disconnected as I am left disoriented.

posted from Bloggeroid

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Looking for a reliable bb

So, as some of you may remember, I've blogged my goals for 2014 and one of them is having clear skin. The good news is I achieved it. The bad news is I get breakouts again.

I hate it. I achieved the skin I wanted years ago but one year ago the breakouts started again. I went to the derma a few months back and the flare ups went down but going to the derma is a hassle since the derma is located in my home province and I work here in the metro on weekdays. So when my medication runs out, I have no choice but to try store bought products which may have not been effective.

So, in line with this, I'm looking for a trusted beauty blog that I could rely on. A blog who cares about its readers and not the products it advertises. Care to suggest some, pretty please?

I miss having clear skin. Maybe I should stop stressing myself out. It might contribute with the breakouts as well.

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P.S. I should totally throw my sister off her trail towards finding out about my lovelife. She's been pestering me if I'm going out with a 'girl' right now and has been asking me everytime we have lunch. Not to mention telling my parents 'si kuya kinikilig' everytime I smile while texting. Ugh. Intruding sister, oh how I love to strangle you using my biceps. Love you.

posted from Bloggeroid

Saturday, June 7, 2014

E-mail from Sep

Di ako relationship expert huh, but I will try to answer your questions as logical as possible.
Una, ikaw yung nasa relationship. Ikaw yung in love, FSOQ, at hindi kami. Though malamang naranasan na rin namin umibig, hindi namin siyempre alam exactly ang nararamdaman mo.
Keeping in mind what I said above, I guess normal na reactions lang yung mga natanggap mo from us. Bilang tao, siyempre gusto natin sumaya di ba. Sino ba naman ang gustong maging malungkot o miserable? Nilagay namin yung sarili namin sa sitwasyon mo, at ang una naming naisip na solusyon ay ang makipaghiwalay. Why? Because yun naman ang reflex eh, ang umiwas sa unhealthy o nakakasama di ba. Ang problema lang ay hindi kami ang in love dun sa partner mo, kaya madali samin ang magsabi na hiwalayan mo na siya. Samantalang ikaw ay nahihirapan i-process yung advices namin kasi nga ikaw yung nagmamahal.

Tandaan mo, ang taong nagmamahal ay madalas hindi na nakakapag-isip ng maayos. Hindi kami yung in love kaya logical yung desisyon namin para sa'yo, ikaw vice-versa.
Also, ang negative kasi nung pagkakasulat mo sa post mo. Your post kasi seems to be a cry for help, that's why ganun ang responses namin. We want you to be okay, of course. Sometimes, however, the right decisions are those that are difficult to fathom and take. In other words, minsan, kung ano yung tama, yun yung mahirap tanggapin, pero we must go through them eventually.
Bata ka pa, FSOQ. Siguradong akong hindi pa siya ang huli mo.
Ikaw lang ang may hawak ng kaligayahan mo, wala sa amin. If you decide to end the relationship, we would understand if magiging depressing ang posts mo after. We would be here for you, to help you get through it. Pero if you decide to continue in spite of the negative things you told us about your partner, then I think it would be wise for you to stop being sad, and do not post complaints about your relationship anymore just to try and ask some sympathy from us. I am not trying to offend you or anything, I just want you to think hard.
Another thing with regards to your post is yung tungkol sa 'who loves more or less'. Normal yun, never magiging same level ang dalawang tao in a relationship. Sometimes, more is less and less is more, but it doesn't matter, really. The important thing you should keep in mind about love is not the amount, but rather the way one expresses it. And based on your post, it was clear that your partner treats you like a dispensable tool. You don't deserve that, do you? Time is one the best things you could give to someone important. It is a strong indicator of love. He can't give you time, ergo you are not that important. And therefore, you shouldn't make him a priority, when all you are to him is only an option. Sabi yan ni pareng Mark Twain.
PERO (yes, kailangan emphasized), hindi namin kilala personally ang partner mo. We have no idea about sa side niya, so what the hell do we know, right? Like I said, nasa sa'yo talaga yan.
Anyway, we should love not because of the act of love itself, but rather because we want to be happy. No matter what others say, romantic love is a selfish thing. If it doesn't bring you happiness, then why continue it?
Ayun lang. But before I go, let me share with you another quote by Anita Krizzan: "The minute you feel the need to fight for love, you've already lost it. Walk away. It's over."

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Hopelessly hoping

I'm still holding onto him. Because I still believe that deserving better doesn't have to be from another person. As tempting as it can be to break up from him, my love is far greater. And it might be that I'm waiting in vain for the changes to happen, for the progression of our relationship, but my patience can be further lengthened. This is just an obstacle I believe.

Funny, obstacle. It seems that he is the obstacle himself. The way he make promises he cannot keep. The way he laughs at my concerns as if they were no big deal. The way he brushes off my requests. Lastly, the way he makes me feel that I will never be a part of his family no mattee how long I will wait. I wonder. Are they simple concerns? Him making me wait for three hours for our date. How he laughs when I get angry when he's late. How he never sought for my opinion when he is writing a piece for a writing competition. Are those concerns not much of a deal to begin with? How he cancels our date so easily everytime for his family. How my time with him is always sacrificed. How he makes me feel that everything about me can be negotiated to his advantage?

Are those not enough to make me break down? Am I being too shallow? He didn't cheat. Shouldn't I be grateful of that

"You're concerns are deal breakers." A viber message from a good friend of mine said.

"Kasi it seems like youre the only one working hard in this relationship." another one said.

Am I? I do acknowledge his efforts but a my friends have said that it seems that the level of our love for each other is not aligned with one another. I'm the one who seems to love more.

Should we really get to know who loves more or less for a relationship to work?

Shouldn't we love because of the act of love itself?

Confused.

posted from Bloggeroid